Archive for: August, 2009

Actually, he wasn’t.  Wesley Willis only said that because it rhymed.  He also said suck a male camel’s dick with Hoisen sauce.  And he headbutted me.  Mike was there, and can confirm this is 100% true.  But I’m getting off topic.

Kurt Cobain is in Guitar Hero 5.  Think about that for a second.  Here’s a guy who had trouble buying himself a “fancy” new car  (it was a Lexus if you’re wondering, and he returned it two days later when his friends made fun of it) after he became rich, and now he’s fronting Activision’s 5th installment of their dying cash cow they milked one too many times.

If Kurt knew he’d be polygonally immortalized wearing a cardigan and a shirt drawn by Daniel Johnston,  I’m pretty sure he would have never touched either ever in his life.  Maybe it would have been something a little less ESRB friendly.

So who’s really behind this commercial betrayal of everything Kurt?  Frances Bean?  I doubt it.  I’m looking at you, Courtney.

I’m in a bit of a gaming funk at the moment.  The only games I really want to play aren’t out yet.    And ironically, they are all the third installments of successful franchises: Forza 3, Diablo III, and now God of War III.  Check out these new GoW III screen shots from Gamescom in Germany:

They ooze perfect art direction.

So completely bad ass.  I am also realizing I’m a sucker for winged human form.  First it’s Morrigan and Lilth from Darkstalkers, then comes Kaelyn the Dove from Mask of the Betrayer, then Aion goes and hands out a set of wings to anyone over level 10, and now Kratos sprouts some epic feathered appendages of his own.

I’m so easily manipulated.  Here, take my money.  Tell me Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story is a third installment as well, and let’s you fly, and I’ll plunk down cash for a pre-order for that right now too.  Just kidding.  You go have fun giving Bowser a rectal exam.  I’ll be playing GoW III, ripping Icarus a new one.

Remember the first time you played the original Tony Hawk Pro Skater? The crack addict like sensation of passing the controller back and forth with the feeling of MUST-TRY-JUST-ONE-MORE-TIME only to find yourself restarting the challenge countless times to top that high score. That’s what Trials HD does to you.

It’s not surprising that the buzz surrounding Trials HD coming out of E3 this year was more or less nonexistent.  Being tucked away at a single kiosk on the outskirts of the Microsoft booth with a couple other “Summer of Arcade” games didn’t help.  I happened to catch it out of the corner of my eye while making my rounds and knew within 30 seconds of play time that this was a true gem.   Who knew that Finnish based developer RedLynx, who’s past claim to fame was “Reset Generation” noted on their own website as “The best N-Gage Game Yet”, could pull out such a winner?  It’s concept is simple, like Line Rider, Jelly Car, Bike or Die or any of the other hundreds of  physics-based racing simulators: your goal is to get to the finish line as fast as possible while doing crazy stunts, and most importantly, not crashing.  Where Trials really stands out is in the degree of physics being calculated along with an insane amount of polish on the graphics.  In talking with one of the developers at E3 I was stunned to find out that they built the whole game from the ground up on it’s own proprietary engine for the 360.  We’ve come along way since Hexic HD.

What really increases the addictive hook is that Trials HD gives you such an easy way to retry a level or section that it almost compels you to do so.  Pressing the “Select” button at any given time instantly throws you back to the beginning of the level; hit “B” and it sends you to the last check point, all with absolutely no load times.  It’s pure crack!  Download now, you’ll be passing that controller around like a glass pipe; but I promise you won’t be on the corner looking for a date any time soon.